When Caregiving Feels Heavy: Finding Moments of Magic and Music with Larry Griner

I am so excited to bring you this very special rewind episode featuring a guest I felt I knew long before we ever spoke. Larry Griner’s life took a 180-degree turn when he moved from California to Baltimore to care for his mother, Norma. What began as a temporary leave of absence became a multi-year journey of discovery. In this episode, Larry shares how he found a "different" version of his mom through her 12-year battle with Alzheimer’s—a version that has become a global "star" through their viral videos. We dive into the healing power of music, the reality of caregiver burnout, and the beautiful, goofy, and soulful moments that happen when we stop mourning who our loved one was and start celebrating who they are right now.

Meet Larry Griner:

Larry Griner is a dedicated son, caregiver, and the man behind the camera of the viral "Queen Norma" videos. After a successful corporate career in Southern California, Larry transitioned into full-time caregiving to support his brother and ensure their mother could stay in her home. By tapping into Norma’s lifelong love of music and her natural "ham" personality, Larry has created a global community of joy. His story is a testament to the resilience of the caregiver and the enduring power of the human spirit to connect, even through the fog of dementia.

Topics Discussed:

1. Moving across the country: The transition to full-time caregiving.
2. The "Breaking Point": Recognizing when a primary caregiver needs relief.
3. Music as a tool: How classical, opera, and even rap reach the "last part of the brain" to be affected by dementia.
4. Creating "Moments vs. Memories": Why short-term joy is a long-term win.
5. The viral sensation: How Norma became "Queen Norma" and the global community that supports her.
6. Practical tips: Using music to aid physical therapy and daily movement.
7. Singing for Chocolate: Finding humor and lighthearted rituals in the daily grind.
8. The "Self-Imposed Rabbit Hole": Navigating the unknown future of a dementia diagnosis.
9. Living by example: How Larry discovered his mother’s best traits were instilled in him all along.

Timestamps (Approximate):

1. 00:00 - Welcome & Introducing Larry Griner
2. 02:15 - Taking the back seat: Larry on his mother’s "fame"
3. 04:30 - The 12-year journey: From an independent life to 24-hour care
4. 07:50 - When caregiving "breaks" you: Larry’s move from California to Baltimore
5. 13:00 - Music as a lifeline: Tapping into Norma's history with the Baltimore Symphony Chorus
6. 17:45 - The "Norma Love": Witnessing the transformation when the music starts
7. 21:20 - A wedding in the park: Norma’s impromptu performance of "At Last"
8. 25:10 - Managing the down days: Using specific songs as an emotional reset
9. 30:45 - The Banana Song and Singing for Chocolate: 110+ headpieces from around the world
10. 36:30 - What keeps Larry going: Family support and the "caregiver connection"
11. 42:15 - Advice for others: "Never give up on yourself"
12. 48:50 - Mirroring joy: How a caregiver’s smile changes the environment
13. 53:20 - Finding the traits: How Norma’s single-motherhood shaped Larry
14. 57:10 - Where to find Larry and Norma online

Key Takeaways:

1. Music is a Bridge: Music stays with us long after words and names might fade. Use it as a tool to reach your loved one’s soul.
2. The Caregiver Needs Care: If the caregiver "breaks," the care for the loved one suffers. Seek "sustained breaks" from family, friends, or professionals.
3. Be a "Ham": Don't be afraid to be goofy. Humor and lightheartedness can diffuse the frustration and impatience that often come with dementia.
4. Identify the "Tool": Whether it's a Hershey’s Kiss or a specific song, find the "trigger" that brings out a positive focus in your loved one.
5. Live in the Moment: We can’t control the "unknown" future of the disease, but we can control the quality of the minute we are currently in.

Resources Mentioned:

1. Music Lists: Creating 50-song "shuffle" lists on iTunes/Apple Music.
2. Community Groups: Caregiver support websites and Alzheimer’s forums where Larry shares his videos.

Connect with Larry Griner:

1. Facebook: Larry A. Griner (Look for the Bernie Sanders meme!)
2. YouTube: Larry Griner's Channel

Connect with Laura Vaillancourt & the Life on Repeat Podcast:

1. Website: https://lifeonrepeatpodcast.com
2. Instagram: @lifeonrepeat.podcast
3. Facebook: Life on Repeat Podcast
4. YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@LifeonRepeatPodcast

If this episode gave you a breath of hope, please like, subscribe, and share it with a caregiver or clinician who needs it. You’re not alone.